Sunday, December 13, 2009
I know I have been MIA for a while. But I'm back! I think. Life has been so weird since we got back from Germany. It's like I just lost control of it. Life is just happening around me and I'm just floating along. It is all because of the timelines!
You see, ever since I could remember I have had a sort of timeline or "outline" of what my life will look like in the next couple of years, it has always been in the first page of my journal. That is until now. Life was much more predictable when i was younger you know? You are in ninth grade so obviously next year you will be in tenth grade. No big surprise there. No need to sit and think what you need to do to accomplish that really. Just show up to school and pass.
Now after high school I knew I was going to go to college, honestly I didn't even know there was the option of NOT going. So it wasn't really because I loved something soo much that I wanted to make a career out of it. And it is not a bad thing I mean I got a bachelor's degree out of it, but now what? I remember, while still in college, sitting in my bed that was like 10 feet high in the tiny dorm room one night thinking "what comes next?" So I got my journal and I made two lists (I'm all about making lists!) the first list was of all the things I could think of that I wanted to do before I die and with that I made my second list, which was my new timeline since I had already completed the last one. Having a blueprint of what my life will look like for the next couple of years made me feel satisfied and content allowing me to live life. In that timeline were things like study abroad, get married, graduate from college, get a "real" job... etc. I am now in a point of my life where I have completed many of those things of that list/timeline(which I'm extremely grateful for).
So it is time to make a new one. But for some reason I am having a very hard time making this one. I still have quite a few things on that bucket list I made that night in my dorm room, but it is just not time for them. There are also new items on that list, but there is no money for those haha. So0 everything points to me getting a job and making money!! And that is good with me, but now comes the questions. What kind of job? And I could easily tell you what job I want, but it does not mean I have the qualifications to do it and even if i did that does not mean that job is available for me right now. I come to the conclusion that I must just get a job, any job while MY job presents itself. I have done that and it was unsuccessful. Now I will ponder what to do next and move forward. I am excited for whatever is next in life, but it is the waiting time that is just hard.
I guess I have always been living in the future and now it is time to live the present, but I just don't know how.